Why Some Networking Events Feel Fake

Why Some Networking Events Feel Fake (And How to Make It Feel Real Again)

Let’s just say it out loud. Networking can sometimes feel a bit weird.

You walk into a room full of strangers in Canterbury or Maidstone, force a smile, and make small talk with people you wouldn’t normally choose to spend time with. Everyone’s pretending to be interested in each other whilst secretly wondering if this conversation will lead to business.

It feels transactional. It feels forced. It feels fake.

And if you’re someone who values genuine relationships, the whole thing can make you feel a bit dirty. Like you’re using people. Like everyone’s using each other.

You’re not imagining it. A lot of networking is fake. But it doesn’t have to be.

Why It Feels Wrong

Before we fix it, let’s understand why networking feels so uncomfortable for so many people.

It’s Performative

Everyone’s playing a role. You’re not really yourself. You’re Business You. Slightly more polished. Slightly more enthusiastic. Slightly more interested in everyone’s businesses than you actually are.

You’re performing the role of ‘Successful Business Owner Who Loves Networking’. Even when you don’t love it. Even when you’d rather be literally anywhere else.

That performance takes energy. And it feels dishonest.

It’s Transactional

Most networking advice treats people like vending machines. Put in time and small talk, get out business opportunities.

“Network with people who can help your business.” “Target decision makers.” “Always be looking for opportunities.”

It reduces human connection to a business strategy. No wonder it feels icky.

Everyone’s Selling

At some Kent networking events, you can feel the desperation. Twenty people all trying to sell to each other. Nobody’s actually listening. Everyone’s just waiting for their turn to pitch.

You’re not having conversations. You’re exchanging rehearsed sales messages. That’s not connection. That’s just noise.

The Forced Enthusiasm

“Networking is amazing! I love meeting new people! Every event is an opportunity!”

Nobody actually feels that way all the time. But there’s this pressure to be positive and enthusiastic about networking, even when you find it draining and a bit soul-destroying.

The forced positivity makes it worse. You’re not allowed to admit you find it hard. So you pretend. Which makes it feel even more fake.

Why Some People Don’t Feel This Way

Here’s what’s interesting. Some business owners genuinely enjoy networking. They don’t find it fake at all.

What’s different about them?

They’re not following the traditional networking advice. They’re not targeting people or working the room or collecting contacts.

They’re just meeting people they find interesting and seeing what happens.

The difference is intention. Are you networking to get something? Or are you networking to connect with people?

One feels transactional. The other feels human. And these networking meetings can be AMAZING!

How to Make It Feel Real

Right, so how do you network in a way that feels genuine? Here are some approaches that actually work.

Go to Events That Match Your Values

Not all networking events are the same. Some are explicitly transactional. Everyone’s there to sell. Everyone’s got their pitch ready. We all know which events they are!

Other events are more about community. Learning. Sharing. Supporting each other.

If the hard-sell events make you uncomfortable, stop going to them. Find events in Kent that feel more aligned with how you want to do business.

Look for events with a learning element. Workshops. Panel discussions. Roundtables. These attract people who value knowledge over quick wins.

Look for industry-specific events where you’ve already got common ground with people. Conversations feel more natural when you share context.

Look for smaller events. Fifteen people having actual conversations beats fifty people speed networking.

Be Yourself

This sounds obvious but most people don’t do it. You don’t need to be Business You. Just be you.

If you’re naturally quiet, be quiet. Have fewer but deeper conversations. If you’re not great at small talk, skip it. Ask bigger questions instead.

If you find the whole thing exhausting, say so. “I’m not naturally great at these events but trying to put myself out there.” People respect honesty.

The more you try to be someone you’re not, the faker it feels. Just show up as yourself and find the other people who appreciate that.

Help Without Expecting Anything Back

This changes everything.

Instead of going to events thinking “what can I get from this?”, try “how can I be useful?”

Listen for problems people mention. Make introductions. Share knowledge. Recommend people. Give advice.

Do it with zero expectation of anything in return.

When you approach networking as “how can I help” instead of “what can I get”, it stops feeling transactional. It starts feeling like community.

Have Actual Conversations

Stop doing the networking thing where you have five-minute surface-level chats with as many people as possible.

Find one person who seems interesting. Have a proper conversation. Go deep. Talk about real things.

At a Tunbridge Wells networking breakfast, you don’t need to talk to all thirty people. Talk properly to three. That’ll feel more real than shallow chats with fifteen.

Only Follow Up When You Mean It

Here’s where most people create the fake feeling. They collect business cards or LinkedIn connections, then send generic follow-up messages to everyone.

“Great to meet you! Let’s stay in touch!”

Nobody believes that. It’s clearly a template. It feels fake because it is fake.

Instead, only follow up with people you actually want to stay in touch with. And make it specific.

“Really enjoyed chatting about your move into hospitality. If you need any Ashford recommendations, shout.”

That feels real because it is real. You’re following up because the conversation mattered, not because you’re working through a list.

Give It Time

Real relationships take time. If you’re going to one event and expecting immediate connections, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.

Regular attendance at the same Kent networking groups is where genuine relationships happen. You see the same faces. You have ongoing conversations. Trust builds naturally.

First time you meet someone, it’s just an introduction. Second time, it’s a bit more comfortable. Third time, you’re actually starting to know them.

That’s real. That takes time. But it doesn’t feel fake because you’re not forcing it.

Accept That Some Events Will Always Feel Fake

Here’s an uncomfortable truth. Some networking environments are inherently transactional. Everyone’s there to sell. The whole culture is based on quick wins and collecting contacts.

You can’t make that feel genuine because it isn’t.

So stop going to those events. Find the ones that align with how you want to build relationships. There are plenty of Kent business owners who feel the same way you do. Find them.

What This Actually Looks Like

Let’s get practical. What does genuine networking look like?

You go to a monthly business meetup in Canterbury. Not because you’re hunting for clients. Because the conversations are usually interesting and you’ve met a few decent people.

You chat to someone new. You’re not pitching. You’re not qualifying whether they’re a decision maker. You’re just having a chat.

They mention a problem. You know someone who could help. You make the introduction. No expectation. Just helpful.

You see someone you met last month. You remember they were dealing with a staffing issue. You ask how it went. Because you’re genuinely curious.

You leave having had three good conversations. You don’t follow up with everyone. Just the one person who you really clicked with.

That’s networking that doesn’t feel fake. Because it’s not fake. It’s just humans connecting over shared experiences.

The Permission to Do It Differently

If traditional networking makes you uncomfortable, you don’t have to do it that way.

You don’t have to work the room. You don’t have to have an elevator pitch. You don’t have to follow up with everyone. You don’t have to pretend to love it.

You can build a network by being genuinely helpful, having real conversations, and only connecting with people you actually like.

It’ll take longer. You’ll make fewer connections. But the ones you make will be real.

And real relationships are worth more than a thousand superficial contacts.

The Bottom Line

Networking feels fake when you treat it like a business transaction. It feels real when you treat it like building community.

Go to events that align with your values. Be yourself. Help people without expecting anything back. Have actual conversations. Only follow up when you mean it.

You don’t need to become a networking machine. You just need to find a way to connect with people that feels authentic to you.

There are business owners all across Kent who feel the same way you do about traditional networking. Find them. Connect with them. Build something real.

Looking for Kent networking events with a genuine, community-focused vibe? Our networking events calendar highlights which events are more about connection than transaction.